By Michael (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sorry in advance about any grammatical errors or typos,
feel free to point them out to me. This artical was
written for the Kristen Archives Learning Center.
This article is about swingers, specifically threesomes
or Tri-sexual relationships. I have purposely limited
myself to the three-way theme because to try and cover
the whole gambit of sexual swinger combinations would
require writing a book.
Even though there is a universe of different three-way
partnerships out there I’m sticking with heterosexual
relationships, although even this type of relationship
usually entails some bi-sexual activity and that is
also covered in this article.
MY PERSONAL OPINIONS:
It is my firm belief that when a man looks at a woman
he is always imagining her as a sex partner. This may
be a subconscious act, but it’s still happening. The
male of the species was designed to be the aggressive
partner in procreation and genetically he can’t help
having those thoughts.
Because the male is the way he is, he will usually be
the instigator in any sexual experimentation, while his
female partner will usually be reticent or negative
about experimenting outside of their monogamous
relationship. Women are genetically designed to
nurture, and their focus was to build a nest to care
for the offspring that their mating has produced.
In this day and age the genetic rule no longer applies
absolutely. Women have a sexual freedom that was
unheard of only 40-years ago. Now there is true
equality between the sexes in bed. Even in birth
It is my experience that the partner that instigates
threesome sex is mostly the male. That old gene still
rules a man deep down. The old urge to spread his seed
far and wide makes the male more interested in multiple
HERE ARE SOME FACTS ABOUT THREESOMES:
The average couple looking for a third partner in their
relationship has been together for more than 7 years
and the male has not necessarily been completely
faithful to his female partner in the past.
In a small proportion of couples looking for an
additional partner, the female is the aggressor, (less
than 2%) this is usually because the male is passive in
their relationship and the female craves a more
dominate male sex partner.
Couples who take in a third party usually break up
within 3-years of their first experience. This of
course is only slightly higher than the general public
that shows that relationships for couples under 30-
years old last no more than 4.5 years on average.
Statistics that I’ve compiled imply that over 75% of
threesomes are two females and one male. Think about
it. If the man is usually the instigator; most men want
to have sex with more than one woman, so why would they
chose another guy who would get to use his woman.
A Swingers International article some time ago stated
that the United States had at least 750,000 couples
that “swing” at least once a month. That’s a lot of
couples. And out of those couples a good 60% were
threesomes. Threesomes are an ever-increasing life
style because when it works out right it is intense,
exciting and safer. Much more so that partner swapping.
Partner swapping is a fast way to divorce. When you
change partners and have sex, that most intimate
feeling between couples transfers to a new partner,
even if for only a short time. Repeat that experience
with the same person several times and the bond grows
Threesomes on the other hand can build a stronger
couple relationship. I say this because a couple can
accept a third person into their bed and share the
intensity of their relationship with him or her without
losing the intimacy between themselves.
HOW I GOT STARTED:
My first threesome was at the age of 19 and I was in
the military. I was stationed in Germany and was having
the time of my life. Our base was outside a decent
sized town and we generally never had to do any field
exercises, so got to go into town just about every
I struck up a relationship with one of the girls that
did the GI bar scene and soon began having regular sex.
Her name was Angie and she was a very good-looking girl
with dark hair and brown eyes and a wonderful smile.
One of my buddies was much more aggressive with the
women than I was and was always talking about getting
blowjobs in the park at night, and was always playing
one girl against another to force them to go farther
and farther out on a limp sexually.
He was my roommate at the time and one night I’d headed
back to base early and was in bed and asleep when
sometime later I was woken by someone coming in through
the window of our room. It turned out to be my roommate
and his latest girlfriend.
To make a long story short — When he found that I was
there, he invited me to join them. Apparently he had
already discussed a threesome with the girl and she’d
agreed in the forlorn hope that he would love her for
Looking back I realize how pathetic the situation was
but being 19-years-old my hormones wouldn’t allow any
other response than to accept his most generous offer.
That night was the first time I saw another guy
screwing a girl up close, and it was also the first
time any other guy saw me hard, and having sex with a
woman. At the time I felt awkward and embarrassed, but
looking back on the experience the next day I realized
it had been more exciting than anything I’d ever done
before, and I never forgot it.
After that nightlong fuckfest I was always trying to
repeat it. I think that’s why I have been in so many
three-way relationships since then.
I’ve been asked to give you some pointers, to share my
experience, and that is where we’re headed now. I don’t
think I can justify this type of sexual relationship
other than to say that it is one of the most intense
sexual experiences you’ll ever have.
You know what it’s like to have sex with your lover; it
is the most intimate act you can perform with another
human being, right? Well times 10 that feeling when
you’re in the right threesome. The keyword of coursed
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A THIRD PERSON INTO YOUR SEXUAL
Remember how your sex was when you first hooked up with
your partner? It was intense and satisfying every time.
It was a magical time. Many couples accept that over
time their sexual union will slacken and eventually
What if you met a great single guy or girl that you
both really liked? What if you asked them into your bed
to share your loving relationship? Would there be a new
thrill to your sex? Well, would there?
The trick is to know how to ask them to join in and
when it’s time to move on, how and when to kiss them
good-bye. Because if your relationship is to survive
unscathed a firm exit strategy has to be agreed on
before your even start.
There are many reasons why a couple will invite another
in to their relationship and I won’t try to guess what
yours is. As I’ve said my reason has always been the
excitement, the feeling of freedom in my relationships
with women and the extra intensity of the sex.
WHO WOULD BE A GOOD CANDIDATE TO TRY THREESOMES?
In short, you would. If you’re reading this article you
already must have some interest in trying it out. But
before continuing on we need to weed out those who are
just fantasizing from those who know they will.
You need to be able to accept the following facts of
life about three-ways if you’re determined to try it.
1. Some of the time your mate is going to get used by
the opposite sex. Don’t expect your lover to only
accept their own gender for your sake. You’ll end up
having to share them with someone who looks a lot like
you. And that’s a fact.
2. Disease. There are all kinds. I’ve survived because
I don’t sleep around with just anyone. But it is a fear
that pervades the whole experience. You should try to
go with people you’ve known for a while, and
unfortunately condoms are something that is just a why
of life. But there are some really cool condoms
(lambskins for example) that make the experience just
fine if you’re careful.
3. Bisexuality. Sorry but you’ll have to get used to
that too. You will now have two lovers, and sometimes
one of them will be your same sex. I never could
understand the guys who think that their women should
take to kissing and fondling each other, but when it
was their turn to do something with another guy they
ended up like vestal virgins, “Not me! No way!”
4. Body fluids and excretions. If you get three people
on a bed having sex there is bound to be messy stuff
that you’ll have to taste and feel and rub against. If
being human bothers you, you should look for one of
those plastic doll thingy-mah-bobs.
5. If you’re not ready to give as much as your spouse
then you’ll end up in big trouble and shouldn’t enter
into a threesome. (Unless it is for short-term
gratification, and that of course would make you a
TALK TO YOU PARTNER FIRST:
First you must discuss the three-way concept with your
partner. He or she must agree to an experimental
lesion. If you’re dumb enough to spring it on them your
relationship is headed for the rocks fast.
I suggest bring the subject up first during foreplay.
Once your partner is obviously aroused tell him or her
that you have this reoccurring fantasy about sharing.
It can be right out of the blue and can even increase
the sexual experience just by talking about it. You
might want to pick someone for your “fantasy” you know
your partner likes, a TV personality or movie star, or
the hot neighbor next-door.
If your partner is generally uptight about sharing his
or her body with a third person, my suggestion is to
bring your “fantasy” up most times as part of your
foreplay. Many partners must be talked into to joining
in, this is because most of us have learned from an
early age that our Judeo-Christian society frowns on
people who have sex with more than one person at a
time, and that it is perverted and wrong.
You’ll find though, that your partner, over time, will
become used to your “fantasy foreplay” and will begin
to fantasize on their own about a co-worker or a
neighbor, or movie star during your fantasy foreplay.
The cool thing about this approach is that they will
begin to share their fantasies with you so you will be
able to gauge when to take the next step.
All of the above is obvious manipulation of your
partner. There is no other way to put it. But if sexual
experimentation is important enough to you, you’ll just
have to stoop to it this once. Once your partner is
onboard, the fun can begin and you can be as
straightforward as you want.
A NOTE CAUTION: Please keep in mind just because you
want a threesome to happen doesn’t mean that your
partner ever will. Some people will never want to
participate in something so sexually bazaar and no
matter how much you urge them on, nothing will change
HOW TO GET STARTED:
Once you and your partner are on the same page it’s
time to decide with who and how to go about inviting
another person into your relationship.
As far as a third party goes, I usually look for a
middle-aged man or woman who has been in a long-term
monogamous relationship and has recently become single.
Middle-aged people (40-55) are perfect for a threesome
with a younger couple, they are usually still sexually
healthy, and they haven’t been playing around during
the AIDS ridden era and are usually lonely and very
grateful when a younger couple takes them into their
I’m not suggesting that is the only way to go. I have
had many three-ways with people my own age and even
younger than me, it’s just the easiest way to get
started with a more willing and pliable third partner.
When broaching the subject with a potential candidate
the best results will be achieved when the man brings
the subject up with the male candidate and likewise the
woman talks to the female candidate. The reasons for
this are different but important.
If a man approaches a woman, the woman will think he’s
coming-on to her behind his partner’s back. Even if the
man discusses a threesome with his partner sitting
beside him, the female candidate will most likely be
too embarrassed to speak freely.
On the other hand if the female partner discusses the
pleasures of a threesome to the female candidate, all
the residual issues are instantly dissipated, no come-
on from the guy, no misperceived cheating, no
Same for the man-to-man discussion. If the woman
approaches the male candidate he will always feel in
the back of his mind that she was the initiator, and
will always think she’s holding some special feeling
for him, that she chose him over her mate. Men are just
built that way.
The male candidate will always wonder about the male
partner and may even try to break up the relationship
and take the female away. You need to make it plain at
the very instant that the topic comes to life that it
was the man’s idea, that he wants to share his woman.
BEFORE GETTING UNDRESSED:
As I mentioned before you do anything, you need a firm
exit strategy. No matter how good that third person
might be for both of you, no matter how exciting it is
to share your lover with another and partake in the
third person’s sexuality, if you make them a full time
partner, or a regular without thinking it through, you
might find yourselves in relationship bottom-out.
My suggestion is to always treat each encounter as a
one-time thing. No one expects to have sex with your
partner and you on an ongoing basis and if you tell
them that you just had the urge to bring the person
into your bed, it easy enough to say that it’s just a
I also suggest that unless you want a three-way
relationship to become complicated, you should hold
your encounters with the same third person to no more
than three times. After all, you’ve invited the person
into your union just for the sexual excitement. If you
repeat it too many times with the same three people it
could get just as routine as anything other sex.
There is an exception to this rule. If you’re willing
to share your partner with a special friend long-term,
then you become what is known as a tri-sexual
relationship. That of course entails a very special
understanding between the participants that sex and
responsibility is a three-way uninhibited arrangement.
I know a few people who have successfully sustained a
tri-sexual relationship for years, but ultimately this
arrangement ends. The good part is that these people
usually part as friends. What they usually seek out is
a more normal couple relationship.
YOUR FIRST THREESOME:
The first time is the most awkward. Getting naked in
front of your partner and a stranger creates stresses
that you might not have expected. For the male this
could even cause performance problems.
The best way to get started in a new threesome is to
just get naked as fast as possible in a darkened room
(not too dark) and climb into bed with each other. I
suggest lying side by side with the single gender in
the middle and take a few minutes to define your
parameters. If you are experienced swingers with a new
inexperienced partner you should make that person
understand that he or she is subject to both of your
I suggest that the single gender in the threesome be
the one to take the other two through their paces. If
the woman is the single gender she needs to tell both
men that it is their job to please her. She needs to
make the men comfortable with the fact that they are
naked and that their bodies and body parts are going to
touch and be rubbed against by each other during this
The same thing applies when there is one man and two
women. It is his job to get his partners comfortable
with acting out in front of him. They need to
understand that he wants them to be comfortable with
each other and not be hung-up about touching and
feeling each other.
Note: Women seem to be more at easy with kissing and
touching than men are. Please don’t try to push men as
fast as you might be able to women. Everyone must go at
their own pace, just don’t be too insistent otherwise
the experience will be ruined.
Once there is a basic understanding and no one has
gotten up in a huff and stalked off, I suggest getting
to it. Start feeling each other.
TWO MEN ONE WOMAN COMBINATION:
In the case of two men and one woman I suggest that to
begin with both men concentrate of the woman, while one
kisses her upper portions the other can concentrate on
her lower extremities. This builds a camaraderie
between the men.
When in a first time in this combination it is proper
etiquette for the couple to let the new man have at the
woman first. This should include penetration, although
it doesn’t need to be to completion. This sex act will
go a long way to breaking the ice and dispelling the
awkwardness of the first time together.
Many women don’t want to have anal intercourse (Over
70%) so once the fucking starts one guy either has to
sit by and watch or he can join in. My favorite
position when not plugged in is to have the woman on
hands and knees with the other guy taking her from
behind doggy style while I crawl underneath and play
with her clit and his thrusting cock. Both partners get
a real charge out of this and I can see everything and
know just were to touch, pinch and lick etc.
OH YES, the sooner you get over the hang-up about
touching the same gender partner the better your
threesome sex will be. I personally like sex with women
and have never had intercourse with another man, but in
threesomes I’ve performed just about every other sex
act with a man.
I can’t really explain it, but women seem to really
like watching men doing sexual things to each other.
I’ve seen the most uptight women become slutty after
they’ve lain there for a while watching two men sucking
each other’s cocks.
I’m not suggesting that any man needs to go that far. I
certainly didn’t until I’d been in at least fifteen
threesomes or more. But after a while it just happens,
and it is usually the woman that instigates it.
At the very least don’t be squeamish about touching the
other guy, it won’t kill you to feel him balls, or to
masturbate him and while he’s having sex with the
female partner in your three-way you could enhance his
experience in may imaginative ways and he can return
TWO WOMEN AND ONE MAN COMBINATION:
I will admit that this is my favorite combination. It’s
the charge of having sex with a strange woman for the
first time and showing off to my mate. I don’t think
that I will ever tire of that experience and besides I
really like the double ride.
Again when starting out for the first time, the man
should be the guide and in the middle. I suggest that
he tell his partners that they should concentrate on
him first. In this combination the female partner in
the couple should do her man first. This lets the other
woman watch and join in when she feels comfortable.
I suggest that doggy style is the best position
especially the first time because both women can easily
get involved. The most intense position for any man in
a three-way with two women is when he’s plowing the new
girl with his mate kneeling behind him massaging his
nuts. I can’t tell you how good that feels. A little
ball sucking will slow your man down to a stand still,
usually buried deep into his new lover.
I suggest to the experienced male to switch partners as
often as possible. Young men should have little trouble
taking care of two women. After my first one or two
cums I usually can stay hard for the rest of the action
without cumming again. (Unless someone gets really
inventive.) I like this state because after I’ve cum
once or twice it’s the body contact that I enjoy and
the challenge of making my partners orgasm multiple
times, which is quite an accomplishment.
BEING INTUITIVE IS SO IMPORTANT:
In a threesome feelings can be hurt when two of the
three concentrate on each other leaving the third
person out. You always have to be aware of this
possibility and try not to let it happen. It is human
nature to pair up but you have to resist this urge or
there will be trouble.
If your partners are into each other for a while and
you are left watching. Enjoy the experience. It’s not
everyone that gets to see hot sexual action taking
place right beside you while your naked and aroused.
Give your partners the benefit of the doubt, and hey,
why not join in with a caress or two.
Finally, on the topic of Intuitiveness. Be aware if
that third person is becoming too attached to you or
your partner. It happens, it’s human nature to pair up
and that’s when it’s time to gently break the bond. If
you leave it till it’s too late the hurt feelings and
accusations can ruin a good friendship.
Here are some things that I’ve done in three-ways that
might inspire you:
WESSON OIL: Have you and your partner ever had a Wesson
night? Pure corn oil poured onto a vinyl sheet covering
an old mattress in the guest bedroom. Or if you have a
big enough one, your bathtub. There’s nothing quite as
erotic as slithering around in oil with two other
people. Guys, you never need to worry about your sex
partner being dry. (Just keep it clean, you’re partner
doesn’t need a yeast infection from foreign bacteria.)
BEING A KID AGAIN: How about visiting old haunts? When
I got out of the military I went home where I grew up
and it was great fun having three-way sex in places
that I used to play as a kid. One such place was the
reservoir above town, which was THE make out place when
I was in high school.
The difference now was that I was having sex with two
women out in the open in the sun. I even caught a
couple peeking at us once. When I say caught, I really
mean that I knew they were there and I really put on a
show for them. That was fun.
DIRTY DANCING: I’ve had surreptitious three-ways in
nightclubs where we have done it on a crowded dance
floor, and there have been times when all three of us
visited the restroom in a fancy hotel.
VACATION SEX: I especially like threesomes when on
vacation. That always adds experiences that stay with
you long after the vacation is over.
MAN O MAN SEX: As I’ve said before, I don’t have a
problem putting on a show with another guy for our
female partner. I really don’t know why women like
seeing to guys playing with each other but many do. And
I’ve learned to enjoy being jacked off by another guy
while our pretty female watches us. I really like it
when she tries to direct the action. (I find that I do
that to her when it’s my turn to watch her and her
BEING PREGNANT: I love variations. I’ve made it with my
partner and a very pregnant woman and found that very
satisfying. She was a single woman and hadn’t had sex
for almost six months. She was a wild ride, and my
female companion really liked her too.
RACIAL FUN: Interracial sex is cool. I’m into any race
and enjoy watching the color and texture combinations
between different people. I once had a threesome with
an exchange student from Nigeria and another exchange
student from Norway. It was amazing to see his black
flesh sink into her. Her completion was almost as white
as you could get and the contrast really turned me on.
He turned out to be a great cocksucker too which I
though a real added bonus.
It is very enjoyable to try out different races. The
variety is endless and the fun is in the individual
differences. Also for newly arrived emigrants you have
the added pleasure of learning new and wonderful
techniques to share with future partners.
Always start out slow and build up the intensity, pace
yourselves. Always be sensitive to both of your
partner’s needs and hang-ups and never force anything.
If you care about the people you’re with, they’ll care
about you too and the sex will be outstanding.
If you’re not a people person, no matter how much you
want to experience a threesome, you won’t be
successful. You have to be understanding and forgiving
in your relationships. You also must be able to give as
well as take. There’s no way around it, not if you want
to be satisfied and content with your choice.
About the author:
I’m 34 years old and have been sexually active since I
was 15 and in high school. At the age of 19 I had my
first threesome and in the past 15 years since, I would
estimate that I’ve been in more than 50 three-ways with
Today I’m with the love of my life and am less willing
to share her than I would have been in the past.
Although we have been in a few threesomes together and
will most certainly be in some in the future, at the
moment we are trying to get pregnant and we both want
to make sure the baby is mine, so we’re on hiatus.
Enjoy each experience. Take the time to savor the
moment, and above all practice sensible sex. As Kristen
was constantly saying when she was around: “You only
have one body in life, so take good care of it.”